Today is National Coming Out Day and to mark the occasion the Hallam LGBT+ staff network has been asking colleagues to share thoughts and stories about coming out. Keep an eye on the plasma screens across the University for these and read more about them on the LGBT+ blog.

Here’s one such story . . .

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” — Oscar Wilde

“I wish I had read this as a young woman, because I spent WAY too much time trying to live up to other people’s expectations, trying to fit in, and ultimately, trying to be someone I wasn’t.  But even though I would do things differently now, I consider myself fortunate to have ended up how I did, with support and love and a minimum of kickback when I finally did come out.

“The first person I had to come out to was me.  In some ways that was the hardest, as I desperately didn’t want to be ‘different’, I wanted to be just like everyone else in my family, like my friends, like my schoolmates and later, colleagues in work.  I had just turned 21 (late bloomer!) when I knew that I couldn’t go on, I couldn’t pretend to like that boyfriend the way he liked me, I couldn’t keep hidden this huge part of me that kept screaming “I love women!”

“So I summoned up all my courage and one evening, dialled the number to Dublin’s gay helpline.  I can’t remember the conversation, just the sense of relief and a feeling that I was heard and understood and not judged.  About a week later, wearing a new shirt, a nervous smile and with a fluttering heart, I walked into a group for women who were ‘exploring their sexuality’.  Terrifying. I mean, they were all lovely, but I couldn’t have been more nervous. Fast forward 4 weeks and I had my first girlfriend, yep, it worked out okay in the end!

“I gradually told friends, then certain members of my family, and finally, one Sunday morning, I told my mum.  I was scared of her reaction, scared of rejection, scared that she would want nothing to do with me. So you can imagine my surprise and relief when she said “We knew!  We were waiting for you to say something!” And she reassured me that nothing changed, I was still loved and cherished. Over the years, my parents welcomed my partners and basically treated us the same as my siblings and their partners and spouses, a ‘normality’ that I know not everyone is lucky to experience.

“Someone once said that you don’t come out once, it is a process of continual coming out to people in your personal, work and social life, because as you meet new people, the process begins again.  I’ve come out to extended family, to new friends, to colleagues in lots of different jobs, to doctors, neighbours, hotel receptionists, government agencies, vets…the list goes on and on. Sometimes it’s a conversation, sometimes just matter of fact, sometimes it’s making it clear that yes, you did mean to book that double room.

“So I’ve been coming out for years and am fortunate to be in a place where I am totally comfortable with doing so, because I am totally comfortable with who I am.  It’s taken a while and some angsty moments, but finally I am fully myself, wherever I am, whoever I’m with. Thanks Oscar.”

You can read more stories by visiting the LGBT+ blog.