This is the question that both a New York magazine and a Dublin radio show were eager to ask me after the recent publication of my research article in the International Journal of Early Years Education titled ‘A Pedagogy of Friendship: young children’s friendship and how schools can support them’. This study followed seven children in northern England, all between the ages of five and six. The children were interviewed about their friendship experiences using methods involving drawings, play mobile and persona dolls. What strikes me as unusual is that we have always expected children to learn friendship skills via some sort of process of osmosis. We want to leave children to get on with this whilst we focus on the important teaching of the National Curriculum and raising academic standards. About a year ago a parent told me about her experience at a parents evening meeting. She asked her child’s teacher who her year one child played with and who were her friends. The teacher was unable to respond to this question. Whilst this will not be the case for all schools, it’s worth taking stock to think about this in an ever increasing climate of academic standards, levels and targets. It is easy to forget about friendship and what it means to children. If we want children to learn we have to ensure that they are in an environment where they feel that they belong. Friendship is a key ingredient for creating a sense of belonging.
This blog entry is not about blaming teachers for yet another societal problem but asks those working with children to reflect on their practice and consider what friendship means to children. For example, the emotional reverberations from a fall out are more intense than adults often realise. One six year old child shared her story with me of how she was always falling out with her best friend. At playtime her and her buddy would have a disagreement and bring their bickering back into the classroom. The child expressed her frustration which was also felt by her teacher, who stated, “If you two do not stop squabbling, you will go and stand outside the head teacher’s office”. I really got a strong sense of how this child did not know where to go in order to patch up this fight.
If we want children to return to the classroom and be in the right frame of mind to learn we need to find ways to facilitate and support them with their friendship dilemmas. My study asks teachers to listen to the nuances of children’s peer culture. This can be done by reading about research in the field and observing playtime rules and practices that are often invisible to adults. When teachers observe children’s friendships they become familiar with what the playground rules are, who plays with who and how children access play. This knowledge helps to support and facilitate friendships when problems arise. For example, two children can be provided with a space in the corner of the classroom to take time out talk things over. This can give children the agency to resolve a friendship issue with support from a distance.
This knowledge acquired through reading and observation can help us to obtain a greater understanding of why children behave as they do. For example, once children have started a game they can be very protective and territorial about it. If three children are playing and a fourth child tries to enter the group will have the power to grant or deny access. The successful child will have a particular status or will have acquired a range of subtle access strategies to do this. A child that is unsuccessful may be struggling to acquire these strategies. As adults we see this as cruel and an example of children excluding others but research suggests that the children may feel that the game that they have worked hard to establish is going to be disturbed. Equipped with this research knowledge teachers can then talk and respond to children appropriately, considering the appropriate cause of action to support groups or individuals. Teachers also need permission to give time on an ‘as and when’ basis to friendship without the concern that they will be criticised for starting a lesson five minutes later.
Teachers and schools might be thinking, “I have not got time for this and why should we give this attention to friendships?”. We only need to draw upon the psychology literature from the 1980s and 1990s that report on quantitative studies on children’s friendship preferences using socio-metric testing. This research involved children being categorised into groups. The terms used to do this were for example, popular, neglected and rejected. I am very uncomfortable with these terms and what is even more disturbing is that children categorised as ‘rejected’ by their friends in the early years continued to be so into their teenage years. This appeared to set a blueprint early on for them. Children need to feel positive about attending school, feel secure in their environment and know they belong. You do not need to have lots of friends, one or two can suffice, but if children do not feel accepted and do not have a friend(s) they will not want to be in that environment to learn. This is exactly why we need to pay attention to friendship.
Dr Caron Carter
Senior Lecturer in Early Childhood Education SIoE
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